Only 2 Served

Tuesday December the 18th was the day the McDonalds appeared 850 feet above King and Spadina. Everybody was just crossing the street like any typical morning (myself included) when BAM, some guy looks up and there's a freaking McDonalds up there, practically a mile up. At first everyone shrugged it off. It's a mistake. It was last nights late meal. It was a balloon. Then some fries fell and hit some dude in the face. I think that's what started the first riot and when the initial pandemonium started.

After the freshly made and still warm fries were peeled off the nearly decapitated dudes face, the news crews showed up and pushed through the crowd to cover the story. 8 PM that night everyone in the GTA and somewhat beyond were informed about the golden arches defying gravity. Every Joe Toronto on the street wanted to share his two cents on what was up with Ronald's floating pad. Every expert was called in to debunk or offer perspective on this perplexing fast food phenomenon.

The scientists said it was an optical illusion, a mirage caused by malfunctioning aurora borealis or some crap like that I kinda wasn't listening. The religious and pious said it was a miracle and a sign that god loves us. Some of the other religious said it was a sign of the end times and that we should all pray and ask for forgiveness. The hippies called it an assault on nature, capitalism trying to conquer the air our last vestige of freedom. The business savvy gurus talked about stocks and how this would help McDonalds with both exposure and finding new airborne markets. Basically a lot of people and a lot of experts said a lot of stuff and all I knew was I wanted to be the first one up there to eat a freaking Big Mac. I wanted to be the first to map and tame this celestial McDonalds. I would be the one to conquer this new frontier.

So I did what I always did when I have some crazy thing I simply must do no matter what. I convinced Adam to do it with me. Where I was just plain ol' normal crazy, Adam was the most applicable best kind of crazy. He was an engineer. Adam was my best friend since time immemorial. Whenever I had some unrealistic relatively or thoroughly insane idea Adam was the one who made it tangible. After going through our usual routine consisting of him telling me I was a screw loose, that it wasn't doable, that I should have my head examined he eventually acquiesced and got down to making my Mcdonalds mission possible. Adam was the one who turned my vision into reality, the Rusty Ryan to my Daniel Ocean.

Adam toyed with several designs.

- Renting a helicopter (not enough bling)
- Building a supersonic and immensely powerful Catapult (worried about reaching terminal velocity)
- Building a rooted skyscraper sized ladder (insufficient materials)
- Hand gliding off of the the CN tower (unavailable access routes)

While Adam was working tirelessly on formulating a feasible way of getting up there, I did my best to rush him and remind him of time restraints (I really wanted to be the first one up there).

"I got it!"

Adam figured it out. Him and I would do a tandem skydive 4000 feet above the McDonalds and land on its roof. It was brilliant. I called the centre island airport and 600 dollars later we were on our way. Hours later and looking out the cockpit window thousands of feet in the air Adam's plan seemed a lot less brilliant and a lot more deadly/stupid/scary. As a rush of wind heralded the small airplane's door being opened, the pilot gave us a look of derision mixed with envy. While simultaneously giving Adam a grin that essentially meant 'If we both die the first beer in heaven is on me' I jumped semi gracefully out of the airplane and prepared to navigate the skies to my bright red target. As clouds parted and whizzed past me I sighted the Mcdonalds arch in the corner of my eye and tried to shift us in the appropriate direction. It worked. As the restaurant grew ever bigger and closer I pulled the chord and we proceeded to glide through the sky, bracing for impact and hoping not to impale ourselves on the big yellow McDonalds 'M'.

As my feet skidded and came to a halt I undid my parachute and took off my shoes. I let my toes feel the sweet roof of the McDonalds. Adam and I had done it. I felt like Christopher Neil Columbus Armstrong.

"We made it!" I exclaimed and hugged Adam.

We climbed down, opened the doors and were the first two people to ever step into the McDonald's located directly 850 feet above King and Spadina. We were kings among men. The interior of the McDonald's was underwhelming. I didn't know what to expect but just a typical McDonald's decor wasn't it. It was the usual size of your typical suburban McDonalds. It had a cashier and a drive through cashier who both seemed completely unsurprised to see us or to be there. There were about 14 tables, a decently sized back kitchen and a washroom for both males and females. I made my way to the counter and spoke my order proudly.

"I'll have a Big Mac meal with super size fries and a coke please."

"That will be 7.65 sir."

I paid the man and waited patiently for my food. After about 28 seconds my food came out. There it was, a big mac, a super size fries and a coke.

"Actually I forgot to ask for no ice."

"No problem sir."

Adam didn't get anything, he wasn't hungry. We found a seat right next to a window. What an awesome view. I ate the entire meal in under 10 minutes.

"So how was it?".

"Not bad".

"At least we're 800 feet in the air".

"I guess".

The End.