Blood Work.

Steve: Oh check it out Mark, That's Bill, he's the white blood cell I told you about.

Mark: Oh cool, hey Bill, how's it going?

Bill: Good morning gentlemen, how's the blood stream going today? Any problems?

Mark: Nah Man, you know, just going with the flow.

Steve: Same shit different day, how's it going with you?

Bill: Having a good day, I personally eliminated some foreign substances from the body today.

Mark: Wow dude, what do you mean you 'eliminated' some 'foreign' substances today?

Bill: My job, I moniter the body and if anything is here that doesn't belong I destroy it.

Steve: Hold on a fuck here, you didn't tell me any of this shit yesterday, I thought you were cool man.

Bill: What are you talking about? Eliminating foreign materials is my job, I do it for the betterment of the human body.

Mark: Damn Steve, I didn't know you were friends with such a souless douchebag.

Bill: Listen here you peace loving hippie fuckhead, what I do protects the body.

Mark: Does it man? How do you know whats good for the body? You're just a cog in the machine man, you don't know what's really going on.

Steve: Okay chill people, we all need to relax. There must be a misunderstanding here.

Bill: The only misunderstanding I see is that your Cancer loving friend here is antigen establishment.

Steve: Dude, don't even try tossing around the big C, we were both created in the bone marrow. Just cause we don't hate foreign substances doesn't mean we love cancer.

Bill: You Red blood cells are all the same. You have no problem swimming and splashing around and talking about the big bad immune system when us and the T cells keep this piece of shit running smoothly. We provide you the freedom to complain to your hearts content while my brothers die on the front lines.

Mark: T cells? Those guys are nothing but crazy fucked up religious zealots. They're willing to blow themselves up and kill innocents just to protect their holy vision of the perfect body.

Bill: Innocents? They are foreign substances in the body! We have to destroy them.

Steve: You're a fucking racist dude.

Bill: Listen, without me and the whites, you wouldn't have the power to help the body fight diseases.

Steve: Mark dude you hear that? He's already talking about white power. Hey when's the next cross burning Nazi?

Bill: Okay, as fun as being lectured by you two has been, I just got a call. There's an unknown bacteria in the heart.

Mark: Hey, what's that supposed to mean? Some of my best friends are Bacteria, they're good microrganisms.

Bill: Don't worry, it's just a dirty pathogen.

Mark: Hey man! Don't go tossing around the P word like that. Bacteria are just like you and I, some of the best things in the body are bacteria.

Steve: Don't try talking sense into this one Mark, he's one of those ancient racists who thinks all bacteria is bad for the body. It's disgusting that we live in a day and age where a cell in a position of power tosses the P word around so casually without considering the historical and ethical ramifications of such a slur.

Bill: Oh yeah? What about that bout with Influenza we had?

Steve: That was weeks ago, how can you even remember things that happened so long ago? You need to get with the times man. You're a walking anachronism preaching hate crimes. Most of the bacteria I know nowadays are completely harmless, and some of them are active beneficial parts of the body.

Bill: Okay, seriously guys. A bacteria in the heart? I need to stop it.

Mark: You see what I mean steve? When our bacterium brothers are all quietly in the digestive system the man doesn't have a problem with it. But when one gets uppity and makes his way to the heart all of a sudden he's a pathogen. There's places where a Bacteria can be killed just for being in the wrong part of the body at the wrong time.

Steve: You're totally right man. Bill, I had a dream. A dream where Bacteria, foreign substance, and red and white bloodcells could walk hand in hand. A body of unity, of love, of peace.

Bill: I didn't want to tell you guys this, but there's a report that the bacteria in the heart might be hiding HIV, a widely massive disease.

Steve: Holy shit, you think the Bacteria in the heart is hiding a WMD? Do you have any proof?

Bill: I have it on good authority that it might be carrying HIV.

Mark: So you don't have proof?

*CRASH*

Steve: What was that sound?

Bill: That's the sound of us all being fucked because you dickheads wouldn't let me do my job.

Steve: My bad.

Mark: I still think you're a racist.

The end.