I have a McDream.

Martin Luther Burger King Whopper Jr.

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in fast food history as the greatest combo deal in the history of our nation.

5 score bars ago, a great fatass, in whose shadow we stand today (mutha fucka was HUGE), ate the Constipation Stipulation. This momentous feat came as a great bacon sandwich to millions of hungry people who had been seared in the deep fryer of withering McJustice. It came as a happy meal to end the long night of vegan smear campaigns.

But one hundred meals later, the people were still hungry. One hundred meals later, the lives of people are still sadly crippled by the manacles of healthy living and chains of daily exercise. One hundred meals later, the people live on a lonely island of salads in the midst of a vast ocean of Chicken Sandwiches. One hundred meals later, the people are still languished in the corners of the food pyramid and find themselves an exile in their own favourite KFC restaurant. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condiment.

In a sense we've come to our favorite Mcdonald's to cash a check. When the chefs of our republic created the magnificent recipes of Betty Crocker and Chef Boyardee, they were creating a gift to which every person should be entitled to. This gift was a promise that all people, yes skinnies and fatties, would be guaranteed 'unalienable savings' of 'Delicious, affordable combos and the pursuit of a Quarter Pounder'. It is obvious today that the people have defaulted on this gift, insofar as fatties are concerned. Instead of honoring this tasty obligation, the skinny people have given us a bad check, a check which has come back marked "WE BEZ HUNGRY'

But we refuse to believe that the freezer is out of stock. We refuse to believe that the McNuggets are finished in the giant storage vaults of this establishment. And so, we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the fries of freedom and the security of burgers.

We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind the people of the fierce hunger of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off food or to let the ice cream melt gradually. Now is the time to make real promises of savings. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of expensive double cheeseburgers to the sunlit value of 59 cent hamburgers. Now is the time to fill our mouths like quicksand to form the round blubberish mound of brotherhood. Now is the time to make fast food a reality for all of God's children.



It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer deal of the people's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of affordable combos. 3.92 for combo number 5 is not an end, but a beginning. And those who hope that the people needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation does not lower the cost of super sizing the fires. And there will be neither subway diets nor salad bars in our country until the people have been granted their deals. The earthshatterings of obese revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of value meals emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the deep fried threshold which leads to the palace of white castle: In the process of gaining our rightful meals, we must not be guilty of wrongful food choices. Let us not seek to satisfy our hungry for food by eating from the plate of healthy vegetables and fruits. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of grease and mayo. We must not allow our creative protect to degenerate into eating healthy foods. Again and again, we muse rise like delicious cakes and meet lettuce with twinkies.
The marvellous new militancy which has engulfed the fatass community must NOT lead us to distrust of all the skinnies, for many of our thin brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize how god damn tasty McGriddles are. They have come to realize that fast food tastes good.

We cannot eat alone.

And as we eat, we must make the pledge that we shall always keep eating.

We cannot stop eating.

There are those who are asking the devotees of triple thick milkshakes©, 'When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the fatties are victims of the unspeakable horrors of vegan restaurants. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot drop a giant log in the motels and highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the basic mobility of the people is from a hamburger to a cheeseburger. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their Double double big macs and robbed of their supersized fries by a sign stating "Breakfast until 10:30". We cannot be satisfied as long as a fatass in Mississippi can't get a burger at 8 am and a fattie in New York can't afford anything on the menu. No, no we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until "Chocolate rolls down like waters, and fudge like a mighty stream"

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come from forklifts and narrow doorways. And some of you have come from areas where your quest -- quest for freedom fries left you battered by the storms of soy and staggered by the winds of fat free chocolate pudding. You have been the veterans of creative culinary experiments. Continue to work with the faith that unearned sandwiches are not worth it. Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, Go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the buffets and diners of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this food issue can and will be changed.

Let us not wallow in the valley of diet cola, I say to you today, my friends.
And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow’s specials, I still have a McDream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the fatass dream.

I have a McDream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its menus "3.99 combo meals every day, 1.99 quarter pounder, smiles free"

I have a dream that one day in the IHOPS of Georgia, the sons of former fatties and the sons of former skinnies will be able to sit down together and enjoy a delicious pancake at the table of brotherhood.

I have a McDream today!

And when this happens, when we allow freedom onion rings, when we sell onion rings in every village and every hamlet, in every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, fatties and skinnies, tubbies and sticks, chubbies and toothpicks, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old spiritual:

"Ba da ba ba ba, I'm loving it'




-tal